It was by the LORD’s hand the The Fellowship got placed into my path.
Just weeks earlier (circa June 2016), I served at Passport training camp where I felt the Spirit put a longing in my heart to GO.
I remember itching to get back to my family and not even staying through the end of training camp. Instead, I skipped supper and drove the 45 minutes to pour my heart out to my cousin about my longing. She said something I just couldn’t get out of my head: “God’s given you a vision for the future…but don’t overlook what He might want to do in you or through you now.” I really resisted that word, like really resisted it and still had my heart set on that next “big thing” I felt God was placing on my heart.
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I was trying, on my own, to get back into missions. You know, the kind that sends you on what you would consider an epic adventure? I got into contact with Adventures, and I wasn’t on the phone for long when The Fellowship was mentioned. I had no clue what The Fellowship was, but then I read up on the program. It involved one-on-one discipleship, training in a specific skill set by working at Adventures headquarters (vocational ministry y’all…it’s important!), living in community, leadership training, being involved in a local church, and possibly gaining on-the-field experience. I started to get pumped about it, like this could be something good for me.
But then came the first waves of a still, small voice: “No.” I heard that word about three times and tried to process it. Through days of tears that turned into weeks, I slowly began to come to terms with the fact that even as awesome as The Fellowship sounded, maybe it wasn’t God’s awesome for me.
However, like the rebel I am, I kept praying and asking questions and dreaming about what life could be like this year with the options before me. I POURED out my heart in those days because if I’m being honest, my life outside of The Fellowship wasn’t filling me with joy; it was making me depressed, and the decision of whether to do The Fellowship or not was filling me with anxiety.
And then I heard “Yes.” I immediately had questions: “There were consecutive no’s before so why a yes now? I don’t understand what’s happening, and now I’m more scared and really hesitant and don’t know what to do.”
Through all of the ups and downs of this season, God’s unfailing word to me has been, “Just trust Me.”
Anyone who truly knows me knows I’m afraid of commitment. Yet, the verses from Matthew 5:37 and James 5:12 about letting your “Yes be yes” and your “No be no” continue to come to my mind.
I can’t wrap up in a pretty little bow why I’m leaning into that “yes”, because I’m honestly still fearful. It’s weird how it works…how you can want something so badly, but when the “yes” comes, you are hesitant to step forward into the unknown.
Until the day comes to take the official plunge, I’m just taking the journey day-by-day, allowing God’s words of “Just trust Me” to ring ever so true.
[One thing I know for certain is that, more than anything, I need to have partners with me on this journey. Adventures in Missions, who I will have the opportunity to work with and learn from the next 9 months, is a non-profit organization. It is this very organization, through the Holy Spirit, that has set my life on the trajectory of living a life on mission (read more about my past mission experiences and what God has taught me along the way HERE). If you would like to support me in any way in this part of the journey, whether that be financially, through prayer, or hear more about my story in person, please do let me know!
As far as the financial aspect of support, all of your donations are tax deductible. Simply click the “DONATE!” button near the top of my blog to partner with me in this season.]
Thank you for your generosity, prayer, and kind words over the years as God has taken me on this journey with Him!
Proverbs 16:9,
April
